Being a grandparent can be challenging. You want to be able to teach, inspire and leave a mark on your grandchildren, but you also have to take their parents’ wishes into consideration. This can be a balancing act, but the most important thing you want to do is to do what’s best for your grandchildren. This can mean avoiding doing certain things that could be harmful or counteractive and helping their parents to raise them to be good people.
Criticize parenting methods
While you may have great advice to offer your children about raising your grandchildren, you don’t want to be overly critical about the way that they are raising their children unless their wellbeing is in jeopardy. Give your children space to make decisions, such as feeding schedules, soothing methods or diets. Times have changed since you raised your children, and the parenting techniques you used may not be the best for your grandchildren. While giving your children advice on home remedies you used for them may be helpful, you don’t want to get into a fight on a topic such as the benefits of bottle feeding versus breastfeeding or holding a child versus allowing them to self soothe. Let your children thrive and make mistakes and be there for them when you can, instead of being overly critical.
Ignore guidelines for childcare
You may have strong views on taking care of your grandchildren, but it is important that you don’t ignore their parents’ guidelines for caring for them. This can mean taking any dietary restrictions into account and not allowing children to overindulge in sweets. It can also mean that you avoid pushing your viewpoints on certain issues, such as religion, on your grandchildren. If their parents allow it, you can teach your children about areas such as family or cultural history, but you want to make sure that you aren’t trying to push your ideals on them if their parents are avidly against it. This could cause major problems within your family, if you aren’t careful. If you believe that the guidelines for caring for your grandchildren are harmful to them, this is where you would want to step in, but be careful in doing so. You ultimately want to have good relationships with both your children and grandchildren and have a strong family unit.
Cause conflict within your family
The worst thing you can do as a grandparent is to have arguments with your children in front of your grandchildren. You may not agree with their parents’ choices or moral philosophy, but getting into fights during family gatherings can cause larger conflicts within the family. It is best to leave these conversations for private settings, if you feel like they are important. You don’t want to force your grandchildren to take sides or cause emotional turmoil in their lives. Being a positive person in your grandchildren’s lives can be important to creating a bond with them and giving them someone to go to when they need someone.
Spoil your grandchildren
As a grandparent, you will likely want to buy your grandchildren sweets, electronics, toys and everything else they want. It can be hard to resist them, especially when they are little, but you need to be able to say no to them sometimes. Getting your grandchildren everything they want can cause them to be spoiled and not appreciate what they have. Try to be selective in what you buy them and go along with their parents’ wishes. While it is not necessarily a bad thing to buy your grandchildren items that their parents can’t afford, such as cars when they turn 16, spoiling them early on can make them feel entitled. It is also important to remember that sometimes sentimental gifts, such as family heirlooms passed down through generations, can have more meaning than material gifts.
Teach your grandchildren bad habits or stereotypes
We all have bad habits, such as swearing when something goes wrong. We also have certain ideals, such as how boys and girls should act. While we may have certain beliefs about the world or behave in certain ways, it is important not to impart these ideals or habits onto our grandchildren. Especially when children are little, they are sponges that absorb information very quickly. You don’t want them to go back to their parents having learned a swear word or believing that girls or boys can’t work in certain occupations or act a certain way. They need to find their own way in life, and as a grandparent, you can help them to do this.
Ignore your grandchildren’s wishes
Like your children, your grandchildren are individuals with their own personalities and interests, as well as boundaries. It is important you don’t try to push your hobbies or personal beliefs on them, especially if they don’t have an interest. Instead, you should try to get to know your grandchildren on their terms and connect with them in different ways, whether it is through in-person interactions, social media platforms, phone calls or letters. If you invest time in getting to know your grandchildren and share something with them when they take an interest, you are more likely to build a meaningful relationship with them.
